You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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