I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
