Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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