is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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