Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
