I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
