He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I want her autograph on my taint
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
