Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
