I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
