A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
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