Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
The Olympian is in my bed
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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