And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
