a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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