He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
