At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
