is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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