I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
home. puking in laundry basket.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
