your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
