we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
