woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
