Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Randomize
