I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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