we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
