went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
