That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
