I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
