Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
