i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
