well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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