You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
