forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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