coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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