perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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