this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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