the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
