i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Randomize
