she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
