Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I need to calm my uterus...
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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