My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
It's blow job season.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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