There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
