Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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