I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
