My room smells like vodka and shame
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I don't deserve a penis
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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