dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
