is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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