the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
