When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
