he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
