I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
