Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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