Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
