I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
