Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
