According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
