Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
