Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
